Wish You Were Here
by Alexis Rockford
Summary: This was originally in the TR section and is a Tomb Raider/Indiana Jones/Avengers crossover. Indy and Lara switch bodies and chaos ensues!
1. Introduction

Katie Steed shares an interesting tale of archaeology and body switching in   
A midafternoon's tale 6.89  
  
Introduction  
  
Katherine Tara Steed carefully set the dinner table with one, two, three place settings. She  
smiled as she hurried to the kitchen to check on the Salisbury steak she was preparing for her  
guests. Just a few more minutes, and it would be done. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Katie ran  
to answer it! "Mum, Dad, how nice to see you again!" she cried as she threw her arms around a  
frail yet still beautiful lady with high cheekbones and greying auburn hair. Standing behind her was  
a tall stately man in his late seventies who still looked as dapper as ever.   
  
"Katie, my girl, it's been far too long!" he cried as he waited his turn to embrace his only  
daughter.   
  
As he received his long-awaited hug, his wife replied, "John, I'm sorry to shatter your pity party  
but we just saw her at Christmas." She smiled in that wry amused way that only Mrs. Peel could.  
  
"But of course, how could I forget!" he exclaimed, "you gave me that lovely scarf with the Union  
Jack crocheted on it!" He pointed with pride to the said article, which clung protectively to his  
neck. "I never leave the house without it." After the couple had decloaked themselves, John Steed  
sniffed the air and broke into a wide grin. "Steaks!" he cried in approval.  
  
"Not just any steaks, Dad, i Salisbury steaks, /i" Katie said with pride as she led her parents  
into the parlour of the small but cozy flat. "Unfortunately, they won't be finished cooking for a  
while yet." She motioned for her mother and father to sit on the wrap-around sofa.  
  
"Oh, dear," said Steed, sinking down on the soft leather seat. "I'm quite extraordinarily hungry  
just now." A small frown creased his aged forehead.  
  
"Never mind, John, we'll just have a pleasant chat until then," soothed Emma. "Now then, Katie,  
what's been going on in your life lately?"  
  
Katie's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Oh, not much," she stated nonchalantly, "just  
archaeological digs, mistaken identities, body-switching . . . the same old same old!"  
  
"What?" demanded her father in disbelief. "I thought I told you that your mother and I were the  
adventurers in this family!"  
  
"I guess I can't help it," sighed Katherine in satisfaction. "In the blood, you know."  
  
"Now I know you've been on digs with Professor Jones lately, but what's this about body-  
switchings? Have Basil and Lola returned?" her mother wanted to know  
  
Katie laughed merrily. "Oh, no, nothing like that. Professor Jones and his friend Lara had an "out-  
of-body" experience recently. At least, they claim they have, I don't recall any such thing."  
  
"Tell us about it, dear, it may keep my mind off the steaks . . . for the present anyway." John  
Steed leaned forward in his seat, prompting her to begin.  
  
"Well, all I know is what they told me, and this is it, word for word:" 


	2. Psyche

Lara learns the hard way to be careful what you wish for . . .  
  
wish you were here  
  
Chapter One: psyche  
  
  
Lara carefully approached the pedestal upon which the lovely statue stood. It was an  
intricate carving of the famous character from Greek mythology, Psyche. In the tale, Psyche was  
the personification of the mind or soul of the collective human race who tried to discover Cupid's  
true identity and was therefore separated from him. The moral lesson, Lara supposed, was that  
we shouldn't question Love (as represented by Cupid), lest it depart from us. Of course, in the  
myth, Psyche was eventually restored to Cupid after performing a series of tasks for Venus,  
Cupid's mother. When Lara figured that part out, she'd never know. At this moment, all that  
mattered was the statue, the flawless, white marble tribute to the genius of the Ancient Greeks.  
Supposedly blessed of the gods, this replica of the fabled Psyche was told to contain powers  
beyond anyone's comprehension. Of course, the gods controlled these powers and would never  
release them unless they thought it would help a mortal learn the lesson in the story, namely to  
accept love unquestioningly. As informed as Lara was upon the subject of mythology and legend,  
the rarely took the same seriously unless they proved to be relevant. So she had no idea when she  
was sitting in her hotel room in Athens later that night that a simple wish would soon be turned  
against her in the most ironic way.  
  
Lara turned the marvelous piece of art over and over in her rather large hands. "What a find this  
was," she mused thoughtfully as her cat, Marco Kitty, curled up next to her and began to yowl.  
Lara rolled her eyes in annoyance and shoved the cat to the floor. All that little furrball seemed to  
do recently was caterwaul and complain. Ever since last January when- no the thought was  
simply ridiculous- Indiana Jones, yes the Indiana Jones, whose youth had been preserved by a  
mysterious artifact that he himself had recently destroyed, had walked out of her life -for the time  
being anyway. He had told her the day he left that they would meet again, no matter what. His  
promise to her was about to come true . . . with a vengeance. Anyway, her stupid half-Persian  
feline had never really gotten over his hasty departure eight months ago. Even though Marco had  
only seen him once, the kitty had immediately bonded to Professor Jones, and so had made a fuss  
about it ever since he had left. "You probably miss him more than I do," she joked to the whining  
animal on the floor. But no matter how hard she tried, Lara really couldn't forget the impetuous  
explorer. After all, he was her obvious counterpart, and she, his. The fact seemed to annoy Lara  
as much as she had pretended she had been annoyed by him when he expressed his affection for  
her. In truth, if Lara had ever been in love with anyone, it was definitely Indy. And how could she  
help loving him? What's not to love about a tall, good-looking, intelligent archaeologist who  
obviously is in love -or at least in lust- with you? But the fact remained that Lara was, and always  
would be, a "lone wolf." She couldn't change that even if she wanted to; it was in her blood. So a  
relationship of that sort was completely out of the question.  
  
But anyway, back to the statue. As Lara gazed at her latest find and dreamed of Indiana Jones,  
she subconsciously thought four words that were about to turn her world upside down: "Wish  
you were here." Unknown to her, the statue in her hands began to glow and radiate a supernatural  
power. Before she knew what was happening, her mind was transported through a long tunnel at  
the speed of light. The force was so great that as soon as her brain reached it's destination, she  
blacked out.  
  
***********************  
  
Lara Croft on the floor of an ancient temple, unconscious. Her colleagues rushed over to  
the spot where she lay on the ground, speaking frantically and in various languages. The first  
sight she saw when her vision began to clear was that of a young, auburn haired girl about thirty  
years old.   
  
"My god, Indy, are you alright?" she asked in a distinctly English accent.  
  
Lara groggily lifted her head to view her surrounding. She was shocked and alarmed to note that  
she was in an unfamiliar temple surrounded by a myriad of strangers. "Where am I?" she asked  
hoarsely in a voice that was definitely not her own.  
  
"At Angkor Wat," replied the woman, surprised at the question. When Lara showed no signs of  
recognition, she continued, "We're searching for the skeleton that Miss Croft told you about,  
remember?"  
  
Lara most certainly did not remember. And why was this stranger talking about her as if she  
wasn't in the room? And for that matter, why had she called her "Indy" a few minutes before?  
Suddenly, Lara had a very bad feeling about this whole thing. She slowly sat up and looked  
down, dreading the worst. What she saw nearly caused her to pass out again. Her larger-than-life  
bust had magically disappeared, leaving behind a chest that looked suspiciously like a man's.  
"Oh, my god!" she said in her newly deepened voice. "I'm him-er he's me- er oh my god!"  
  
Lara Croft had switched bodies with Indiana Jones! 


	3. Indys Story

Chapter Two: Indy's Story  
  
Indiana Jones carefully lowered himself through the hole in the ceiling of the temple,  
scanning the floor as he made his decent. The instant his foot touched the ground, he let go of the  
rope and slid to the ground. He turned around and beckoned to his crew above who quickly  
followed him. One of the expedition members was an attractive woman with shoulder-length  
auburn hair and dark grey eyes. She landed gracefully in her short-heeled leather boots and trailed  
close behind Indy.  
  
"Have you spotted anything yet?" she asked in her fairly low English-accented voice.   
  
Professor Jones shook his head and tiptoed farther into the temple. "Nothing that looks like me, if  
that's what you mean."  
  
The woman smiled in amusement at his little joke. Like her mother, the famed sleuth, Emma  
Peel, Katharine Steed was fairly easygoing and usually not upset by Indy's snide comments. They  
were at Angkor Wat, searching for a skeleton Lara Croft had reported as looking like Indy's.  
Obviously, the corpse did not belong to the renowned archaeologist, but Indiana wanted to find  
out whose it really was. He had brought along his close friend and associate, Katharine Steed,  
whose grandfather, Sir John Knight, he had known before he had been unfortunate enough to find  
the Fountain of Youth, where he had been living for over fifty years, doomed to eternal  
youthfulness, until he had returned the stolen Eternity Stone1 and destroyed the Fountain. Of  
course, by the time he had returned to the "real world," John Knight was dead, but his daughter,  
Emma Knight Peel Steed2 and her daughter, Katharine Tara Steed were. Indy had become fast  
friends with the Knight, now Steed, family, and now, Katherine, nicknamed Katie, who had  
longed for adventure since both of her parents, Emma and John Wickham Berresfield Gascoyne  
Steed3, had been spies, was accompanying him on his quest for the skeleton's identity.   
  
Indy halted the group as they arrived at a strange emblem carved on the temple wall. He  
cautiously approached the symbol and pushed on it with all his might. The symbol, which was  
actually a pressure plate, pushed into the wall, and an area of holes on the floor nearby  
momentarily sprouted spikes and receded again. It was now safe to enter the next area of the  
temple.   
  
Professor Jones was about to proceed when suddenly, he felt very strange and his mind went  
blank. He tumbled to the floor and his associates rushed to help him, but he was unconscious.  
  
***************  
  
  
When he came to, he was sprawled out on a bed in an unfamiliar room. A strange, furry animal  
was rubbing up against him and purring contentedly. Indy slowly sat up and tried to take in his  
surroundings. He appeared to be in a very nice hotel in a foreign country, maybe Italy or Greece.  
The furry creature beside him was a very familiar looking grey and white Persian mix cat.   
  
"Hey, there, little fellow," he said softly to the kitty.   
  
The ungrateful beast responded by leaping up and perching on his shoulder. "Mo ma mo ma  
mo!" cried the naughty feline.  
  
Indiana twisted his head to look at the cat on his shoulder. "Mo ma mo yourself, you-" Indy  
stopped mid-sentence. Why did he sound like a very cheeky British female? He looked down at  
himself, and to his horror, he found that the very same features that had been missing on our  
heroine in the last chapter were clearly visible on him. "What the hell . . ." muttered Indy in  
disbelief. Suddenly, the painfully obvious truth sunk in: somehow, he had traded bodies with  
Lara Croft!  
  
TBC . . .   
  
A/N:  
  
1 See my other story, "Raider Rivalry."  
  
2 Both "Emma Peel" and "Sir John Knight" were characters stolen from the 60's British tv show  
"The Avengers" I seem to be making a habit of this. (Stealing characters, I mean) :D  
  
3 "John Wickham Beresford Gascone Steed" is the official full name of another character on  
"The Avengers." In the series, Emma and John were not married, but I decided to throw that in  
for an extra touch. Oh, by the way, that also means that Katherine Tara Steed (named for two  
other "Avengers" characters, "Catherine Gale" and "Tara King") is a character of my own  
creation. I hope that clears things up a bit. :) 


	4. Home Sweet Home?

Chapter Two: Home Sweet Home?   
  
Lara was not accustomed to raving, but after making her startling discovery that she had switched   
bodies with Indiana, it was all she could do to keep from blubbering. After stuttering several   
undistinguishable sentences, Lara finally managed to ask the auburn haired woman who was   
staring at her strangely, "What the hell is the matter with me?"   
  
The gorgeous Katherine Steed looked taken aback at this inquiry and merely answered, "Other   
than the fact that you look strangely different, everything is perfectly all right." She peered into   
her male companion's eyes and commented, "You must have hit your hard rather hard when you   
fell."   
  
Lara gritted her um, Indiana's teeth in frustration and responded caustically, "How can you   
tell; is there a big gash in my head?" Not waiting for an answer, she shoved her way past   
Katherine and went to stand between the femur bone of a skeleton and a battered whip. "Here is   
your precious skeleton. Now let's analyze it and get the hel "   
  
"Before you go any further, my I ask why you are using profanity and shouting at me?" Katherine   
put her hands on her hips in annoyance.   
  
Lara couldn't explain to this stranger that she was Lara Croft, had switched bodies with Indiana   
Jones, and consequently was so frightened, that the only logical thing she could think of doing   
was yell. She did, however, have a feeble excuse, which she used quite sheepishly. "I guess I'm   
not myself today."   
  
Katherine nodded in understanding, and she and several other scientists began examining the   
remains of the skeleton, whip, and fedora. They carefully took samples of the femur, the only   
bone that hadn't disintegrated over the past twenty years.   
  
Lara just stood nearby, trying to gain her bearings. She certainly couldn't tell Katherine of the   
unfortunate incident, but what could she do? Well, she was going to England, that much she was   
certain. She had to find Indy, and if Indy was thinking like she hoped he was, he would be going   
to England to try to sort out this little problem. After all, he was now Lara Croft, and Lara lived   
in Derbyshire, England.   
  
With this new resolution, Lara turned to the busy crew and announced, "I'm going to England   
after this expedition."   
  
Katherine Steed did not seem at all fazed at this rather overbearing remark. "Of course you are   
Indy; you live in England now, near London, remember? You're going to start teaching at Oxford   
next Monday."   
  
Lara suspicions aroused at this comment. Since she last spoke to him, Indian Jones had moved   
from America to England. From the way he had been talking, he had been quite satisfied with his   
life in the U.S.A. Now he was in her homeland, and it all seemed rather conspicuous. Had he   
missed her and wanted to be near her? Lara's ego got the better of her, and she simpered wildly   
at this last thought. That HAD to be the reason.   
  
The archeologists had finished their investigation and were advancing toward the heavy hemp   
rope dangling from the ceiling.   
  
Katherine motioned for Indy to follow her, saying dryly, "You know, you could've helped us   
with the skeleton."   
  
Heading towards the rope, Lara smiled sheepishly and replied, "I guess I got lost in my own   
thoughts." She then proceeded to climb the rope, or at least tried to. Lara was not accustomed to   
maneuvering Indiana's brawny limbs, and she slip several times as she tried to pull her now   
much larger amount of weight up the rope. She finally managed, and she soon was standing   
firmly above the ancient temple.   
  
When Katherine reached the top, the two began treading toward several dust laden jeeps.   
Katherine was holding a calculator and was immersed in several complex computations.   
"According to the data we've collected, that skeleton was about as old as you, and from the same   
era. I assume he knew of your many exploits and wanted to imitate you in every way.   
Unfortunately, he wasn't nearly successful." She smiled jovially at her handsome friend.   
Obviously, she was very attracted to Indiana and his fascinating story about finding the fountain   
of youth, but her adoration wasn't enough to be considered love.   
  
However, Lara could not tell this, and jealousy momentarily took control of her senses. "I hope   
you can get the DNA from this skeleton," she remarked rather icily.   
  
Katherine was rather taken aback at Indiana's cool tone, but she remained silent. She would most   
likely offend him more if she mentioned his cruel attitude.   
  
Soon Lara was flying to England, and with every mile, Lara became more anxious to know what   
had become of her body.   
  
*****************   
  
If Lara had been omniscient, she would have known that the minute Indy learned of their   
unfortunate predicament, he packed his bags and got the nearest flight to England.   
  
As soon as he got off the plane, he hailed a cab for Derbyshire. He figured that Lara was already   
at her mansion, waiting for him. She would know how to get them out of this mess, for, after all,   
she had been the one to get them into the dilemma in the first place. Or at least he assumed so.   
He hadn't done anything. Unfortunately, Lara was not at her house, yet, so Indy begrudgingly   
paid the taxi drive the large amount of cash and treaded to the steps.   
  
Winston, Lara's trusty old butler, silently crept to the front door and opened it for his mistress.   
"Welcome home, Miss Croft," he croaked in his gravelly voice. His weathered face gazed   
adoringly at the lovely creature before him. He loved Lara like his daughter, and it always pained   
him when she went on one of her daring adventures. He was always relieved when she returned   
home in one piece.   
  
Indiana felt rather uncomfortable under Winston's loving gaze. It was strange to be thought of as   
a woman, especially by the kind butler. "Hello, Winston, nice to see you again." Indy let go of his   
luggage and enveloped Winston in a hug, something sentimental he was sure Lara would do.   
  
However, Lara did not customarily give her butler a hug after coming home, so Winston was   
very much amazed at this warm gesture. Winston was not the type to question any action of his   
mistress, so he merely picked up her luggage and headed for the staircase.   
  
Indiana immediately blocked the butler's path and, grabbing for the suitcases, cried, "Winston,   
let me do that! I don't want you hurting your back on account of me."   
  
Winston looked hurt at this comment and replied in a pitiful tone, "I always carry your luggage,   
Miss Croft, so why should I change my habits now? Do you think I'm not capable of carrying   
your suitcases?"   
  
"No, no," Indy reassured him hurriedly, "I I just . . . oh dam I mean darn it, go ahead and   
take them if you like." He followed close behind the now thoroughly confused butler and shook   
his head in disgust. "Who does Lara think that poor, old man is; Hercules? He's gonna fall over   
dead one of these days from overexertion."   
  
Winston led his mistress to her room and placed her luggage on her bed. "Do you want me to   
draw a hot bath for you?"   
  
Indy flushed uncomfortably at the thought of washing Lara's body and shook his head. It was bad   
enough that he had skipped the much needed shower from yesterday on account of this problem.   
"No, I think I'll just shower," he lied.   
  
Once again Winston was perplexed at Lara's odd behavior. If his failing memory served him   
correctly, Lara always took a bath after her exhausting expeditions. He scratched his head, and   
was about to retreat, when he remembered something very important. "Jean-Yves paid me a visit   
yesterday. He didn't know that you were out of town so he had brought you flowers. I took the   
liberty of putting them in the vase over there." He pointed to a windowsill off to the left of Lara's   
large fireplace.   
  
Indy scowled at the mention of the obese Frenchman, but he quickly hid his feelings under a look   
of complacency.   
  
Winston licked his lips nervously and ventured to ask, "Why do you like him so much?"   
  
Indiana had to stop for a minute to puzzle over this question. Why did Lara admire that irritating   
man with his blond hair, blue eyes, and overly annoying smile. Finally Indy came up with a   
sufficient answer. "After a person has helped you with your archeological finds many times, you   
grow fond of him . . . like fungus grows on a tree."   
  
Laughing merrily at this insult, Winston responded, "Miss Croft, I had no idea you felt the same   
way about him as I do."   
  
Indiana's, rather Lara's mouth twitched into a smile at the butler's candidacy. "So, the old geyser   
hates the Frenchie, too!" he murmured with wicked delight.   
  
They remained in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Winston asked, "Where is the   
beloved statue of Psyche?"   
  
Indiana produced a carefully wrapped statuette from Lara's backpack and gently handed it to   
Winston. Temporarily forgetting that he was in the body of Lara, he murmured, "It will look   
marvelous in the Louvre."   
  
Winston was flabbergasted that Lara would want to put her latest acquisition in the museum,   
especially after she had kept all her other finds. Staring bewilderedly at the hefty woman, he   
placed the statue down on her fluffy feather bed. "If you need anything, I'll be downstairs   
preparing your favorite earl grey tea." Winston began to trudge slowly but steadily out of the   
bedroom.   
  
Still not realizing his mistake, Indiana sighed and released Marco Kitty from his cat carrier,   
which was on the bed. It was only when Marco gazed questioningly at him with his big, blue eyes   
that Indiana made the startling realization. "Oh shoot, I forgot that Lara keeps her artifacts!"   
Indiana cried, making sure to use an euphemism lest the cat should understand him.   
  
When the cat closed his eyes condescendingly, Indiana protested, "This is harder than it looks,   
you furball. I like to see what you would do if you traded bodies with a dog." At this comment,   
Marco opened one eyelid, made a deep offended yowl in the back of his throat, and jumped off   
the bed. He marched regally out of the room and padded down the majestic staircase.   
  
Indiana sighed as he slouched onto the bed, ignoring the many suitcases that crowded it. He had   
thought that taking up the job as master er mistress of the home would be easy, but he had   
been terribly mistaken!   
  
To Be Continued . . .


	5. Liberated Lady?

Chapter Three: Liberated Lady?  
  
  
Katherine Steed wove her way through the many pedestrians that congested Heathrow  
airport, approaching an apprehensive looking Indiana. She loved her home, England, and she was  
always happy to return to it after a long excursions. She reached Professor Jones and smiling  
wryly, teased, "Nervous about who that skeleton might be?" The moment she spoke, her  
muscular companion seemed to jump fifty feet in the air. "I didn't mean to startle you so, Indy,"  
Katherine cried, analyzing her friend. "Something is bothering you, isn't it?"  
  
Lara wished that beautiful, seemingly perfect Katherine would leave her alone. She couldn't  
explain what was really troubling her, for Katherine certainly wasn't going to believe her. And  
even if Katherine would believe such a far fetched tale, Lara was most assuredly not going to  
confide in her.   
  
Jealousy appeared to be controlling all of her actions, and Lara did not enjoy it one bit. She  
turned to Miss Steed and muttered, "I'm going home." And when she said "home," she was  
referring to her own mansion in Derbyshire, not Indiana's minuscule apartment. Suitcases in  
hand, she marched away from the offended Kathy.  
  
Katherine Steed was not accustomed to being mistreated, especially by her close associate, Indy,  
so when he stomped angrily away, she followed him. "I will not be trampled like leaves under  
your feet. If something is upsetting you, fine, but don't take your anger out on me." Her grey eyes  
resembled dark thunderclouds on a stormy day.   
  
Lara was tired from her excursion and tired of Miss Steed's fiery temper. "Look, Katherine, do  
me a favor: go to back to your flat and stay there."  
  
"Flat?" Katherine repeated, confused. "I didn't think you were in England long enough to learn  
that British term!"  
  
Lara grimaced at her mistake and retorted, "You must have taught me that word awhile ago."  
  
Katherine shook her head, tousling her mass of auburn hair. "I always try to use American slang  
or their kooky words when I'm in your presence."  
  
Lara resisted the impulse to strangle the indefatigable Katherine's bronzed throat. "Well, I'm  
leaving," Lara proclaimed stoutly, as if that sentence was some sort of a retaliation. She exited  
the airport, resolved to get to her mansion before dark if it killed her.  
  
***************  
  
Indiana opened one eyelid tentatively and shut it again. "Darn!" he muttered as he sat up  
groggily in bed. He had hoped that the past twenty-four hours were merely a nightmare.  
Unfortunately, it was all too real. He was still in the body of Lara Croft. Muttering to himself, he  
got out of bed and tried to figure out what to do about clothing. He had no idea where Lara kept  
her clothes, and even if he did, he was squeamish about dressing himself in this foreign body. On  
the other hand, he had often wondered what Lara looked like in the nude . . .  
  
An abrupt rapping at the door shook Indy from his lustful thoughts. "Who is it?" he asked  
unnecessarily. Winston was the only other person in the house.   
  
"It is I, Miss Croft," said Winston in his gravelly voice. "Jean-Yves is here to see you."  
  
Indiana rolled his eyes and answered, "Can't you send him away?"  
  
"I would gladly, Miss Croft," replied the butler, "but he wouldn't leave even if I told him to."  
  
Indy cursed under his breath and was just about to direct Winston to tell the fat Frenchman that  
"Miss Croft" had suddenly come down with bubonic plague, when he had an idea. Maybe he  
could cause the Frenchman to leave permanently by acting like an ass. "Send him in," Indiana  
replied in his still unfamiliarly high voice.   
  
"But Miss Croft," protested the butler, "you're not even dressed properly."  
  
Indiana glanced down at his filthy green tank top and tarnished khaki shorts and grinned evilly. "I  
know. Send him in anyway."  
  
Winston shrugged and tried to hide a low chuckle as he descended the stairs and directed Jean-  
Yves to Lara's room. The French archaeologist couldn't hide his delight at being invited into  
Lara's quarters, but when he entered, he was in for a shock. There was Lara wearing a brown  
sports bra and khaki shorts and nothing else!  
  
"Hello, darling!" called Indy in a drunk sounding voice. "Glad you could make it into the  
sanctum!"   
  
Jean-Yves eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "Lara, dear, you must not be feeling well.  
Perhaps you should lie down and rest."  
  
"Nonsense! I feel fit as a fiddle and ready for love!" Indy cried as he planted a gigantic kiss on  
Jean-Yves' forehead. "Now let's get down and boogie!" He struck a disco pose and started  
grooving around the room.   
  
Jean-Yves looked completely bewildered. "Uh, I think I'll come back later when you're feeling  
more yourself," he remarked as he left the room, oblivious to the irony of his statement. He  
stumbled down the stairs in confusion and ran out of the mansion as quickly as possible.   
  
"Three cheers for the red white and blue!" called Indy out the bedroom window as the Frenchie  
ran out of the estate gates and into a tall muscular man with a fedora.   
  
"Oh, my god!" Indy cried. "It's me! I mean it's you! I mean it's Lara!" He dashed into the  
bathroom and locked the door. "I'll kill myself when I find out what I've been doing!" he said as  
he leaned against the bolted frame.  
  
Meanwhile, Lara, in Indy's body, was trying to make sense of a very confused Jean-Yves.  
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" she asked.   
  
Jean-Yves hesitated for a moment, wondering whether or not to let his romantic rival in on  
Lara's predicament. Finally, he relented and said, "It's Lara. Mon Dieu! I think she has gone  
crazy! I shall seek help for her at once." He was about to commence running when Lara grabbed  
him by the shoulder- hard.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked, clenching Indy's teeth.   
  
Jean-Yves was suddenly embarrassed about the whole incident. "N-nothing. I was only joking ha  
ha!"  
  
"It's not funny, Garner!" barked Lara as she held her "faithful friend" in a death grip. "What  
happened?"  
  
Jean gulped and replied. "S-she was just running around in her sous-vetements!"   
  
If Jean had hoped to confuse Indy by saying "underwear" in French, he was much mistaken. Indy  
(actually Lara in his body) was fluent in many languages, including French. "Her what!" yelled  
Lara. "I'll kill her!" She dropped Jean and fled toward the mansion in blind fury, leaving a very  
confused Frenchman behind.  
  
"Why does Indiana Jones care what Lara does on her free time?" he wondered aloud.  
  
Lara broke the door down and ran up the stairs two at a time, nearly toppling poor Winston.  
"Jones!" she yelled. "Where are you?"  
  
"Jones" wisely kept his mouth shut and tried to figure a way to climb out the bathroom window.   
  
Lara searched the music room and library before rushing into her bedroom and walking up to the  
bathroom door. "Alright Jones!" she called. "I know you're in there! I'm giving you to 10 to get  
out of there or I'm gonna blow off the door! Pow! 1, 2, 3 . . ."  
  
Indiana cursed himself for not grabbing one of Lara's guns to defend himself with.  
  
"4, 5, 6 . . ."  
  
"Can't we discuss this like civilized human beings?" he pleaded through the door.  
  
"No! 7, 8 . . ."  
  
Indy suddenly wished he was wearing more than he was.   
  
"9, 10! Alright! You asked for it! I'm getting the grenade launcher!"   
  
Suddenly, Indiana remembered something that could save his life. "You wouldn't blow up your  
own body, would you?"   
  
Lara, who was loading her rocket launcher, considered this. She didn't particularly want to be in  
Indy's body her whole life, and she would have to if she destroyed her real body. "Damn it Indy!"  
she complained. "Did you have to remind me?"  
  
"Well, that's gratitude!" said Indy as he opened the door and stood in front of Lara. "After saving  
you from suicide!"  
  
"It certainly does give a new meaning to the word," Lara mused as she gazed at herself. "This is  
really strange standing here beside myself."  
  
"You're telling me," agreed Indy. "So, now what do we do?"  
  
"Well, for starters, you can get some clothes on," she said, gesturing to Indy's bra.   
  
Indiana looked a bit sheepish. "Oh, yeah. Sorry about that."  
  
Lara sighed as she sank down on her bed. "Jean-Yves will never speak to me again, thanks to  
you."  
  
Indiana tried to suppress a grin as he sat next to her. "Yeah, that's too bad. I had no idea he was  
coming."  
  
"Oh, sure," said Lara, not falling for his fib.  
  
Suddenly, Indy remembered his British companion. "Uh, where's Kate?"  
  
Lara tried to suppress a chuckle as she answered, "Somewhere over the Sargasso Sea, I imagine."  
  
"What?!" cried Indy.  
  
"I was just joking, she went home like a good little girl after I told her off."  
  
"Oh," sighed Indy with relief. "You what?!"  
  
"She was pissing me off!" whined Lara. "She acted like I didn't know anything."  
  
"Well, maybe you don't," retorted Indy as he tried to open Lara's closet. "Damn it, Lara! How  
am I supposed to get dressed?"  
  
Lara stifled a chuckle as she produced a key from her own knapsack that had been carelessly  
tossed under the bed by Indy the day before. "I keep more than my clothes in there, you know."  
Indy was beginning to drool. "Not that, you sicko, my ammo!" She finished as she unlocked the  
closet. Indy was amazed at the supply of shotgun shells, uzi clips, and bullets within. Underneath  
all that rubbish was a bureau which contained what seemed like hundreds of identical tank tops  
and khaki shorts. "Help yourself!" Lara called as she exited the room. "I'm going to try  
explaining our situation to Winston. It will be a help to have at least one ally."  
  
Indy suppressed a low groan as he grabbed an outfit. Her had been hoping for something a little  
more attractive. Not that he didn't look good in Lara's apparel. He dressed in silence and casually  
sauntered over to Lara's window and gazed out on the extensive estate. He could faintly see a  
dark foreign car speeding away down the driveway and smiled. It was doubtless Jean-Yves,  
running away from what he assumed to be a madhouse. Indiana didn't want to remain in Lara's  
body forever, but it sure was fun for a time! 


	6. Dinner Date

Chapter Five: Dinner Date  
  
When Indy descended the staircase to the great hall of Croft Mansion, Lara and  
Winston were waiting for him at the bottom. Lara tried to suppress a cruel chuckle as she glanced  
at Indy's apparel. "I do have some more appropriate clothing if you'd care to stop making a fool  
out of me," she said wryly.   
  
"Actually making a fool out of you is quickly becoming a favourite pastime of mine," Indy  
replied with equal sarcasm in his- er Lara's- clipped British accented voice, "but if you'd really  
prefer my seeing you in your undies again . . ." He turned around and headed back up the  
staircase.  
  
Lara's face flushed scarlet as she called out, "Never mind, that is not necessary, Doctor Jones."  
  
"Oh, but it is!" returned Indy in a tone laced with inherent glee.  
  
"Get down here, Jones!" barked Lara as she pulled out her handy pistols. Winston instinctively  
held up the tea tray that he was holding to shield his face from the bullets he was sure would  
follow. Usually the tea tray he used for the purpose was empty, but this time, it had been laden  
with Lara's best antique china tea set which unceremoniously crashed to the floor, splashing  
boiling hot tea over butler and mistress.  
  
"Ow!" yelped Lara as the steaming tea soaked into her clothing. "Damn you Jones, get down  
here!"  
  
Indy meekly obeyed, but with a smile of obvious amusement on his face. "See what your violent  
habits have gotten you?"  
  
Lara was about to insult him back, when she recalled a very important fact. "Well, if the scald-  
marks scar, it will be your skin, not mine!" Indy frowned at this unfortunately accurate remark  
and knelt to help Winston clean up the mess.   
  
"I am exceedingly sorry, Miss Croft," droned the aging butler as he collected the broken china on  
his tray. "It was purely out of force of habit."  
  
Lara sighed and looked disapprovingly at the saddened manservant, but she just couldn't be  
angry with him. After all, he had been trying to protect himself. She also went to the floor to help  
pick up the mess. Seeing this, Winston stood up and held out the tray to collect the scraps,  
thankful that his back would no longer bear the strain of the cleanup.   
  
Lara and Indy worked silently for a few moments, carefully collecting the porcelain sharks and  
trying not to cut themselves. Lara was just about to deposit some on Winston's outstretched tray  
when she happened to catch Indy's (actually her own) eye. What passed between them in that  
brief instant would take a month to describe on paper, so I will merely outline the incident.  
Basically, as they looked at each other, they saw themselves in one another's eyes. And not just  
because they had switched bodies. Somehow, they each realized that they were not as different  
from each other as they'd like to think. There they were, both helping a mutual friend, and for  
once, they weren't chewing each other's heads off. An amazing sensation came over Lara, and  
for a moment, she could've sworn she was looking at Indy's face and not her own. But the magic  
was shattered as Indy stood up and dumped the remaining scraps on Winston's tray. "That ought  
to do it," he said quietly as he turned back to help her to her feet. This was, of course,  
unnecessary because Lara was inhabiting Indiana's larger, manly form at the moment.   
  
As soon as the pair was certain that the mess was properly cleaned, the three headed for the  
enormous dining room that Lara had recently added to her home. Before that, she had an obstacle  
course set up in her enormous ballroom and no dining room at all.* She hadn't needed one at the  
time because she was rarely home at all, and when she was, the kitchen was good enough for her.  
But then, After the Fiama Nera had trashed her house**, she decided that she didn't need a huge  
ballroom either. So when the reconstruction crew showed up, she asked them to wall off part of  
her ballroom and make it a dining room.***   
  
Back to the story though. Lara and Indy seated themselves- or rather each other- at opposite  
heads of the giant cherry-wood table Lara recently had installed. Winston informed them that  
dinner was almost ready, and disappeared into the nearby- and gigantic- kitchen. Of course  
everything in Lara's house was huge, even the bathrooms and the broom closets. It was a Croft  
idiosyncrasy to make everything big— from weddings to each and every room in their houses. Of  
course, Lara would rather die than admit she had genetically inherited anything from her  
aristocratic parents, but of course it was inevitable that she would be like them in some way. And  
this habit of making everything big seemed to be the only visible trace of the Croft heritage on  
her besides the name.   
  
As Winston disappeared into the next room, the archaeologist and the tomb raider stared across  
the table at each other in an uncomfortable silence. Lara wondered if Professor Jones has  
experienced the same brief return to his normal self at the same moment as she had, but was too  
proud to ask. Indiana merely toyed with his silverware and sighed heavily. Lara could tell what  
he was thinking because she was thinking the same thing: We're getting nowhere fast on  
returning to our own bodies. Lara knew there must be some psychological way out of their  
predicament since it was her own thoughts that had brought it on, but at the moment, the answer  
escaped her. Suddenly, Indy cleared his throat and began to speak. "Now exactly how did we get  
into this mess again, Miss Croft?"  
  
Lara took a deep breath and recounted the whole tale from the moment she had begun searching  
for the Psyche statuette to her fateful utterance, "Wish you were here." Doctor Jones listened  
attentively to each portion of the narrative as though trying to pick it apart mentally and see a  
way out of their situation. He was about to make a brilliant revelation when Winston interrupted  
his thoughts by entering with a tray of food and announcing that dinner was served. The faithful  
butler served his mistress first and then trekked down the table to serve Indy, who was trying to  
retrace his train of thought and figure out what he had been about to say. After thus performing  
his duty, Winston returned to the kitchen. Lara started some insipid conversation about the  
weather when she was rudely interrupted.  
  
"The legend of Psyche has to do with Cupid and Venus, both representing the intangible quality  
of Love," quoth Indy.  
  
Lara rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the refresher course in mythology, but I was already aware of  
that."  
  
"But you've missed the entire point!" contradicted the professor. "The statue's powers are  
controlled by the so called gods who use them only to help us mortals learn the lessons that  
Psyche had to learn, right?"Lara nodded, afraid of what would follow. "And the lesson is to  
accept love unquestioningly. Now, in the fable, or whatever you want to call it, Psyche was torn  
from Cupid because she was trying to analyze him too deeply. She then was separated from him,  
and the only way to get them back together was to serve his mother, Venus. So my guess is that  
in order to undo this curse, we must follow the story and learn its lesson's accordingly. Evidently  
one— or both— of us was trying to rationalize our love for one another and caused the gods to  
decide that it was time we learn to accept love unquestioningly. Now how we should go about  
this is an entirely different matter, but I'm open to any propositions." Indy smirked and folded his  
arms on his chest in conceit.  
  
Lara was enraged by the implications of his last comment, and did not hesitate to display her  
displeasure. "What will you men think of next? All of this love rubbish is just a lousy ploy to get  
laid, and let me tell you, sonny, it's not going to fly!"  
  
"I was only trying to help," Indiana insisted. "After all, I'd be more than willing to make a move  
on you if it means getting rid of this useless body— "  
  
"Useless!" yelled Lara. "I'll give you useless right up your—"  
  
"Watch your language, Miss Croft," replied Indy complacently. "Using profanity will not help  
the situation."  
  
"Neither will— what you're suggesting," Lara sputtered. "For the last time, sex is not love!"  
  
"Well, you've never had either," said Doctor Jones as calmly as ever, "and as far as I'm  
concerned, a life without love is a waste of a lifetime." He slowly got up from the table and  
exited the room, leaving both Lara and his meal untouched and cold.   
  
****************************  
  
Lara lay sleepless in bed that night, thinking about what Indy had said. Was she really  
living a loveless life? She sighed and scratched her fat Persian's scruffy fur as he slept soundly  
beside her. It couldn't be true! She had Winston and Marco and . . . who was she trying to kid?  
One eighty-year-old butler and a cat were hardly considered ample company for a woman her  
age. But what was she to do? Throw herself at the first man who happened to stumble into her  
crazy adventure-filled life? If she did that, she'd end up marrying a Larson, Pierre, Bartoli, or  
Willard and be killed before their first anniversary. She knew she was over-exaggerating, but  
how far did Indy really expect her to go? Frustrated and confused, Lara finally fell into a restless  
sleep.  
  
*This was how the Lara's home training level appeared in Tomb Raider I.  
  
**The Fiama Nera was the cult from TRII. They broke into her house and trashed it during the  
"Home Sweet Home" epilogue level.  
  
***A huge dining room magically appeared in Lara's house in the training level of TRIII. The  
ballroom was a bit smaller, so I assumed that the reconstruction crew used part of it for the  
dining hall. There were also a few new rooms and a larger basement which I also am attributing  
to the reconstruction efforts in all my stories. 


	7. Campus Terror

Chapter six: Campus Terror  
  
The next morning at dawn, Lara was rudely awaked by a flustered Indy. "Where the devil  
did you put my suitcase?" he demanded as he began tearing apart her room.  
  
Lara sat up groggily as her kitty jumped ten feet in the air and promptly landed on her head.  
"What the Marco get down, you stupid furrball!" she yelled at the frightened feline. Marco  
slowly plopped into her lap and began mewing pitifully. Lara petted the cat consolingly as she  
turned accusingly to Indy. "What's the idea of barging into my room at this hour of the morning?"  
she asked crossly.   
  
Professor Jones ignored her and continued his frenzied search. "You must have brought the thing  
with you from Cambodia," he finally barked after he had succeeded in a complete trashing of the  
chamber. "Unless you left it in the taxi or something."  
  
Lara's eyes opened wide in horror. "Uh, oh."  
  
"What do you mean 'uh, oh!'" yelled Indiana.  
  
Lara smiled sheepishly. "That's exactly what I did."  
  
Indy lunged at her, ready to kill her for her indiscretion when a look at her all-too-familiar face  
reminded him that hurting her was the same thing as hurting himself. He backed off begrudgingly  
as Lara apologized, "Look, I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy, which is a good  
thing since you are my worst enemy." Indy glared at her until she corrected herself. "Well, what I  
mean to say is I didn't do it on purpose and say why do you need a suitcase full of clothes that  
you can't fit anymore?" she demanded.  
  
"Actually, I was going to dress you in my suit and try to prepare you for my opening lecture at  
Oxford," confessed the professor. "I will lose my job if I don't appear there today."  
  
Lara tried to keep from laughing as she replied, "You are worried about me being prepared to  
teach at Oxford? I've been a guest speaker there several times already, I think I can handle it."  
  
Indiana breathed a sigh of relief. "You're sure? Oh, great, that takes a load off my mind. Now I  
just have to worry about your attire."  
  
Lara grinned impishly. "Oh, I think I can just pull something together. A nice suit, at any rate."  
  
Dr. Jones smiled back at her and then turned to leave the room. "I'll tell Winston to hurry and  
make breakfast for us so we can leave."  
  
"We?" asked Lara in a voice of feigned innocense. "I assumed that the college had only invited  
you to teach, not me. If that is the case, I, who am now you, at least to all appearances, should be  
the only one to go."  
  
Indy paused a moment to reason out her logic, and when he found it to be sound he answered,  
"Well, yes, but "  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I had invited Katherine along to help me," sputtered Indy uncomfortably.  
  
Lara's eyes glowed with envy which she strained to control as she said, "Well, couldn't you take  
me as an assistant instead? Then you could be there to oversee my humble attempt at teaching and  
no one would suspect a thing."  
  
Indy looked suspicious for a moment. "You aren't trying to pull a fast one on me, are you?"  
  
Lara put on her most innocent looking face. "What made you think that?"  
  
"I know that you dislike Miss Steed," he continued accusingly, "so I thought that maybe you  
were going to do something to her while we were at Oxford."  
  
"How could I do something to her when I was with you?" she replied in a saccharine tone.  
  
"I know you," Doctor Jones retorted, "you'd think of something. It doesn't take a genius to  
figure out that you are pea-green with envy of her."  
  
Lara's faced turned a most unbecoming shade of purple. "I don't know what you're talking  
about," she countered in indignance.   
  
"Oh, yes, you do," mocked Jones. "Your jealous of her because she's closer to me than you are."  
  
"Of all the nerve!" sputtered Lara, her fedora quivering in indignation. "I wouldn't take you if you  
were handed to me on a silver platter!"  
  
"No, but you would dispose of a certain pretty British girl to get me." Lara raised her arm to  
strike him, but Indiana foresaw her vindictive gesture and ducked. "You can't take a hint, can  
you, Croft?" taunted Indy as he waved his auburn braid at her and quitted the room  
  
**************************  
  
An hour later, Indiana patiently waited at the front door of Croft Mansion for Lara to find and  
dress in the "nice suit" she had promise. He, himself, was adorned in a trim grey business suit that  
Lara had provided with him. His long reddish hair was still pulled back in a braid as he tapped his  
foot in annoyance. Just then, Lara descended the grand staircase in a floor-length brown duster  
which concealed the outfit underneath. Suddenly, Indy had a very bad feeling about the whole  
affair.  
  
"Why are you wearing that ridiculous coat?" he asked with a strange sinking feeling in his  
stomach.   
  
Lara flashed her wickedest smile at him. "Oh, you'll see . . ." she answered noncommitally.   
  
If Indy had been in his rightful body at the time, he would've twisted her arm off and made her tell  
or at least strip her of her protective coat. But of course, if he was in his rightful body, he  
wouldn't be in this situation anyway. As it was, all he could do was grit his teeth and open the  
door for the unruly tomb raider.  
  
When they arrived at the large (of course) Rolls Royce in the enormous (naturally) Croft garage,  
Lara took the wheel of the gorgeous car and Professor Jones climbed into the passenger seat.  
Then, with another nefarious grin, Lara opened the garage door with her automatic remote  
control and zoomed out towards the gate. Winston was waiting faithfully for his mistress and at  
the sight of her, he quickly threw the switch that opened the gate. Lara sped past her trusty butler  
and took a hard left turn onto the deserted country road. She was driving faster than she ever had  
before. Indy grew pale as the speedometer rapidly passed the 100 and then the 150 kph mark.  
Lara was enjoying herself thoroughly. Usually, she was very conscientious about the speed limit,  
especially when driving her priceless Rolls, but today she was throwing caution to the wind just to  
annoy Indy. She kept up this terrifying pace until she reached the campus grounds, thankful that  
the bobbies weren't operative at this hour of the morning. After regaining his composure,  
Professor Jones directed her towards the building where he was to teach. Lara obeyed docilely  
and soon they were entering the nearby administration building.  
  
It was at that exact moment that Lara decided to discard her heavy duster and disclose the very  
familiar outfit underneath.   
  
"You didn't!" exclaimed Indiana in dismay.  
  
Lara merely smirked as Indy beheld his trademark leather jacket, beat-up slacks, and boots. She  
was just straightening her fedora when an elderly lady approached the desk, a look of shock on  
her face. "Young man," began the awed woman as she gazed at Lara's unusual attire, "you aren't  
interested in taking a class, are you?"  
  
Lara shook her head and leaned her masculine body on the desk. "No, but I might be if you're the  
teacher, gorgeous."   
  
Indy slapped his head in despair and attempted to exit the vicinity unnoticed. Unfortunately, the  
woman cleared her throat loudly and motioned for him to return. Groaning, he meekly complied.   
  
"Do you know this young man?" she asked earnestly.   
  
"No," lied Indy as he made another break for the door.  
  
"But I saw you two enter the facility together," remarked the lady in apparent confusion.  
  
"What he meant to say was-" began Lara.  
  
"He?"  
  
"Well, that is he-"  
  
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"  
  
"No!" cried Indiana Jones.  
  
"Oh, well, that's different, love," said the lady sweetly. "Just sign your name and what classes you  
wish to take here and we'll inform you if any are available."  
  
"But I don't want to take any classes!" protested Indy.  
  
"Then what are you doing here, love?" she asked.  
  
"I work here," said the professor. When the woman and Lara both gave him suspicious looks, he  
corrected himself. "That is, I will be working here after today. You see, I'm Doctor J "  
  
Lara cleared her throat loudly. "He means "   
  
"There you go with 'he' again!" screamed the woman.  
  
"No need to shout!" chided Lara. "I was about to explain that this . . ." She paused, thinking of  
the proper word to characterize Indy in his present situation. ". . . person thinks that he or  
she is me. So as you can see, it is really I who am to teach here. I'm Doctor Henry Jones,  
professor of archaeology."  
  
Indiana looked blank for a moment, unsure of whether to kiss Lara or belt her, but the dotty  
woman at the desk knew exactly what to do. "Why didn't you say so in the first place!" she yelled  
as she escorted the pair out the door and into the building where the professor would lecture.  
"It's the second door on the right," she explained hurriedly as she ran off, happy to finally have  
the odd couple off her hands.   
  
Lara merely shrugged and dragged Indy to the afore mentioned door. "It's showtime!" she called  
as she opened the door and barged in. Indiana grimaced, but wisely made no reply.   
  
There were already several students seated at the desks, although it was still quite early. These  
looked up eagerly as their new professor entered the room and were both shocked and excited  
about what they saw. There stood their idol, handsome, strong, standing nearly six foot tall,  
completely decked in his famous rugged adventurer costume.   
  
An awed silence permeated the room. Lara quickly shattered the quiet with a loud crack of Indy's  
whip. "What are you all staring at? Haven't you ever seen such a good looking body before?"  
Lara stomped noisily over to a female student, who was primping her hair with the aid of a  
handheld mirror. Without another word, Lara snatched the mirror from the girl's fingers.  
Everyone expected Professor Jones to reprimand the unfortunate lass, but instead Lara gazed at  
her reflection in the mirror and proclaimed in an obnoxious voice, "Looking gorgeous!" She gave  
the mirror a sloppy kiss.  
  
More students had trickled in over the last couple minutes, all staring agape at their teacher. Lara  
clomped to the front of the classroom, still clutching the mirror. Not knowing where to put the  
object, she proceeded to pocket it, much to the protestations of the owner. "Quit your whining;  
you'll get it at the end of class," Lara hastily promised the girl.   
  
Indy moaned, as if in serious pain, and all eyes turned to gaze at him. "This is Lara Croft, another  
renowned archeologist," Lara informed the curious class. "Unlike me, who stupidly gives all my  
archeological finds away to museums, Lara keeps hers in her basement."  
  
The remainder of the class trickled in, followed closely by Katie Steed, the principal of the  
college, and the superintendent of the district. "What are you doing here?" Lara demanded of the  
three.  
  
Katherine was taken aback by this abrupt behavior from one of her dearest friends. "I happen to  
be a professor at this college, remember? And Mr. Kales, the principal, and Mr. Hardy, the  
superintendent are going to watch your class today."  
  
"Splendid, the more the merrier." Lara shoved the two gentlemen into chairs as she added, "Now  
sit back and relax and enjoy the show." Lara tipped her fedora at the flabbergasted trio before  
returning to the front of the classroom. Lara eagerly clapped her brawny hands together and  
began her speech. "When looking for treasure, always expect some competition. Competition  
comes in various shapes and sizes," at this point Lara began sketching on the chalkboard. In  
several minutes she had haphazardly drawn a picture of a thug, Doberman, mummy, and a  
mutated creature, which presumably was a human. "For things like thugs and Dobermans, a  
couple rounds with a shotgun will put them out of their misery. You've got to be more aggressive  
with mummies and mutations, so I suggest using an M-16."   
  
The whole assemblage gazed at one another in surprise. "Are you really advocating murder to  
these students?" Mr. Hardy asked.  
  
"Well, only in extreme cases," Lara replied defensively.  
  
"She-I mean, he doesn't know what he's talking about," Indy began, laughing nervously. "That  
was just a poor excuse for a joke. Tell them you were just joking," he hissed at Lara.  
  
"What's the matter with you, Henry?" Miss Steed asked in alarm.  
  
Lara suddenly realized what a mess she had created in such a short duration. With a shrug of her  
still unfamiliar shoulders, she returned, "This is how I always teach."  
  
"I see," said Mr. Kales. "When we hired you we didn't realize that this was your criteria. As it is,  
I think that we are all in an agreement that you are FIRED!"  
  
Lara and Indiana both stared at the principal, not believing what they heard. Then with a surge of  
energy, Indy grabbed Lara by the collar and dragged her out of the room. 


	8. We're Back!

Chapter seven: We're Back!  
  
Indy was completely prepared to deck Lara by the time they reached the door. "I can't  
believe you did this to me!" moaned the humiliated professor under his breath to the smug tomb  
raider. "You promised to help me out! I trusted you!"  
  
"That's your misfortune, isn't it?" retorted Lara.  
  
Katherine, who had followed them out of the classroom, was staring at both of them, a look of  
deep pondering on her face. Suddenly, the light dawned on her. "You two have switched bodies,  
haven't you?" she hissed as they awaited their doom.  
  
Lara's jaw dropped open in shock. "How did you know? Did *he* tell you?" she accused, her  
voice dripping with venom.  
  
Kate looked slightly annoyed. "No, of course not. I figured it out myself. You see, a similar thing  
happened to my parents once. The only difference was that they switched bodies with two arch  
criminals and not each other."*  
  
"Her parents were spies," Indiana unnecessarily informed Lara.  
  
"I know that!" snapped Lara. "They were the famous British espionage agents John Steed and  
Emma Peel. I just wasn't aware that they had switched bodies!"  
  
By now, her voice had risen to such a pitch that everyone in the building could hear her. The  
superintendent and the principal ran down the hall and stopped to stare at her as if she was  
completely out of her mind, which, in a sense, she was. "Professor Jones, this is hardly a time for  
jokes," the principal informed out heroine, trying to put a good construction on Lara's insane  
behaviour. "Now if you'll just come to my office, I'll map out the entire situation for you."   
  
The trio shrugged and followed Mr. Kales and Mr. Hardy to the appointed room. As soon as the  
principal had settled himself at his desk, he began, "You realize that I am going to have to cancel  
your teaching engagement here since you seem to be entirely unqualified."  
  
"That depends on what you are talking about," replied Lara. "I am completely qualified to be a  
tomb raider."  
  
The superintendent gasped. "Doctor Jones, I'm surprised that you are referring to the dignified  
profession of archaeology as 'raiding.' Why only last month at your job interview, you specifically  
differentiated between an archaeologist and a mercenary bounty hunter such as Miss Croft. You  
even went as far as to say-"  
  
"We don't have to get into this right now-" began Indy nervously.  
  
"Continue," said Lara staidly, "wouldn't you like to know what I said about you?" she asked  
coyly. Indiana merely swallowed hard and tried his best to look dignified.  
  
"No, never mind," sputtered Doctor Jones.  
  
"Back to the subject at hand," continued Mr. Hardy. "We are both gravely disappointed in your  
teaching methods, Doctor Jones. We had heard of your great work back in the early days of this  
century, and we had great hope for the future. But evidently, either you are not really Henry  
Jones, Jr., doctor and professor of archaeology who has been miraculously kept intact by the  
Fountain of Youth, or your trip to that famous font has addled your brain a bit too much for you  
to be any use here."  
  
"Something has addled my brain," muttered Indy, "but it wasn't the Fountain, it was Lara and her  
stupid statue."  
  
"Did you say something, Miss Croft?" asked Principal Kales.   
  
Indiana shook his head and made a mental note to keep his comments to himself from now on.  
Superintendent Hardy was about to continue his interminable speech when Katie interceded on  
her friend's behalf. "Mr. Kales, Mr. Hardy, may I say something?" The two men nodded their  
assent and she continued. "I beg you to give my associate one more chance to prove himself. He  
really isn't himself today. You see, he just found out that-" Kales and Hardy looked at her  
expectantly. "That is he-" She fumbled for the right words. "-just arrived home from a very  
grueling and emotionally draining trip to Cambodia to unearth an important skeleton."   
  
"We don't care if he just got back from the lost city of Atlantis!" sputtered Hardy. "His behaviour  
today is completely inexcusable, and therefore he is being removed from his position effective  
immediately!"  
  
Katie looked crestfallen. Indy motioned for his entourage to follow him out of the building, which  
they did slowly and with heavy hearts. When they reached Lara's automobile, Katherine was the  
first to speak. "I feel terrible about this, Indy. I wish there was something I could do to help."  
  
"There is," he began slowly, "kill Lara! No, actually, I wish to retain that privilege myself."  
  
"Gosh, Jones," started Lara, "I was only having sport. I didn't mean for anything like this to  
happen."  
  
"Oh, sure," replied Indy as he entered the car. "You've only been trying to ruin my life ever since  
we switched bodies."  
  
"It passes the time," offered Lara timidly, but the man who had inherited her body was unamused  
to say the least. "Look, Jones, we're in the same boat now. You wrecked my friendship with Jean  
and I terminated your teaching engagement. I'd say we're about even."  
  
"But I don't want to be even," said Indiana between clenched teeth, "I want my damn body  
back."  
  
"And you think I don't?" countered the tomb raider as she slid into the passenger seat. "Face it,  
Jones, we're hopelessly compromised."  
  
"Compromise," repeated Jones slowly and painstakingly. "Now there's a word I never thought  
would pass your lips. Why can't we just forget we're screwed for a moment and concentrate on  
something vastly more important?" He edged toward Lara and she backed away nervously like a  
frightened animal.   
  
"Like what?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"Oh, Lara, can't you discard your aristocratic mien for just long enough to realise something!"  
cried Indy as he gripped her arms. "I love you, damn it!"  
  
"So curse about it!" complained Lara as she wrestled free.  
  
"I will!" he declared. "Damn, damn, damn!" He grabbed her and pressed his lips against hers.  
Lara struggled for a brief instant, but then gratefully sunk into his embrace. After all she *did*  
return his love, in her odd, characteristically British way. But no way in hell would she ever let  
him know it. Suddenly, she felt as though she was zooming at lightspeed through a dark tunnel.  
Before she could figure out what was going on, she was back in Indy's arms. "What happened?"  
she asked in an unusually high, British-accented voice.  
  
Indiana stopped kissing her long enough to notice that he was gazing into Lara's cocoa-coloured  
eyes instead of his own steely-blue. "We've switched back!"  
  
Lara's eyes filled first with disbelief, and then with an indescribable joy as she realised the blessed  
truth of his statement. "Well what do you bloody know?" she asked in her restored female voice.  
  
Indiana gave a shout and exited the cab. He grabbed Katherine who was standing nearby and  
swung her around the car park. "What on earth, Lara?" she inquired as he twirled her about.  
  
"No, it's me, Indy!" he called as he set her back on her feet. "I'm back!"  
  
"Correction," a voice beside him stated. "*We're* back." Lara glared at him in her usual manner.  
  
"How did it happen?" asked the excited Katie.  
  
"I kissed her," stated Indy blankly, returning to his normal sarcastic solemnity, "what else? That's  
what I was trying to say all along. . ."  
  
"Oh, bull!"   
  
"That's *exactly* what I said . . ."  
  
"Double bull, you never-"  
  
"I most certainly-"  
  
"Liar!"  
  
Katherine shook her head. Things were really back to normal now. Well, as normal as things  
would ever get for a law-breaking tomb raider and a hot-tempered archaeology professor.  
  
  
*This occurs in the Avengers episode "Who's Who?"  
  
A/N I hope this wasn't too sappy for all of you macho guys out there *waves* but after all I AM  
a woman. *winks*. This isn't the last chappy, there's still an epilogue, so hold onto your hats!  
BTW, if you want to know more about Katie Steed in her parents, read the fics "Mother Knows  
Best" and "Inferno Island" in the TV Shows/Avengers category. Believe me, they are well worth  
your time. 


	9. Just a Dream?

Epilogue  
  
Lara turned the marvelous piece of art over and over in her rather large hands. "What a  
find this was," she mused thoughtfully as her cat, Marco Kitty, curled up next to her hotel bed and  
began to yowl. Lara rolled her eyes in annoyance and shoved the cat to the floor. Then she  
blinked in confusion. Hadn't she done all of this the week before? She carefully placed the statue  
on the bed and tiptoed to the window. As she drew back the curtain, she realized that she was  
indeed in her Grecian hotel room. "What happened to the last week of my life?" she wondered  
aloud as she sank back on the bed. The last thing she remembered was saying goodnight to  
Professor Jones after enjoying a long, luxurious meal. After leaving Oxford, she had spent the day  
sightseeing with him and Katie, laughing about all that had happened over the past few days. They  
ended it all at a rather fancy restaurant in London before retiring to Croft Manor. But now, here  
she was in the Greek hotel, as if none of it had ever happened. "But it was so real!" she  
complained as she lay back on the bed. At that instant, the telephone rang. Puzzled, Lara  
answered it. Only one person knew her phone number in Athens and he certainly wouldn't be  
calling at this time of night.  
  
"Hello?" said a tired, gravelly voice.  
  
"Winston?" Lara asked, bewildered. "Why aren't you in bed?"  
  
"It's not that late here, Miss Croft," insisted the elderly butler, "and besides, I've just received a  
rather odd telephone call from Professor Jones. He says that he's just had a most disturbing dream  
about switching bodies with you!" The old man paused to chuckle. "What a kidder! But, anyway,  
I thought you'd like to know."  
  
On the other end of the line, Lara breathed a sigh of relief. So she wasn't going mad. At least two  
people remembered experiencing those strange days. "That certainly is humorous, Winston. Now,  
why don't you hang up and get some rest, ok?" Winston consented and the phone clicked. As she  
replaced her own phone in the cradle, Lara wondered what had really occured. Had they both  
shared the same realistic dream? Or had the events actually taken place but time had magically  
wound back leaving no consequences to their actions, but only memory? Whatever the case, she  
had learned her lesson well. "Accept love unquestioningly," she repeated to herself as Marco  
settled back on the bed. Now whether she will remember her lesson tomorrow is a completely  
different matter!  
  
The End!  
  
Wish You Were Here  
Copyright 2001-2002 By Alexis Rockford 


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